The pterodactyl and the aardvark

Went to lunch together;

“Are you ailing?” asked the ptero.

“Indeed, I’m under the weather!”

 

“Psoriasis!” the aardvark sighed;

The reptile gave a wheeze:

“I’ve contracted the pneumonia,

And it’s brought me to my knees.”

 

“Stay back,” the aardvark barked,

“You’re a virtual germ-o-rama!”

 “The fact is,” snapped the dactyl,

“I caught it from the llama.”

 

“Wait!” the aardy added, “I saw

That llama taking tonics;

I remember it distinctly,

Since I boned up on mnemonics.”

 

“But that was for his rheumatism – 

Llamas aren’t pneumonics!

You’re a psycho,” said the ptero,

And you’re careless with your phonics!”

 

“Me?” the aardvark shouted,

“You can’t even spell your name!

And no person can pronounce it,

So, which of us is llame?”

 

“Did you say ‘llame,’” the ptero teased,

“You’re ll’s are getting doubled!”

“I caught it from that llama!”

Said the aardvark, looking troubled.

 

“My knights are full of pterror,

As my phonics go pfui!”

The pterodactyl laughed out loud:

“You said ‘pterror’ too-y!”

 

“Perhaps, but guilty if I am,”

The aardvark said with calm:

“The ‘p’ is softer than a llamb,

And psilent as a psalm.”

 

“I got a ptouch of ptomaine,

And it’s settled in my ptoes!

Pterodactyls are contagious,

As everybody knows!”

 

“Oh, pshaw!” the ptero scoffed,

“You have a pslight psychosis!”

And here the flying reptile coughed up

Phlegm from his psilosis.

 

“Psee!” the aardvark snarked,

You’re full of the disease!

Your esses are p-ssessed, and your

P’s are pfull of T’s!”

 

“You need to change your name,

For things are looking grim!

I know exactly what you need –

You kneed a pseudonym!”

 

“So psue me,” the pterodactyl said,

Your name’s infectious too!

It’s full of ‘a’s’ which adds maalaaise;

I heard it from the gnu!”

 

“The gnu knows nothing,” said the aard,

“What’s more, he never knew!

And if the gnu knew any news,

The gnus are scared of you!”

 

“Nonetheless,” the ptero, stressed,

Your naame is too contagious.

It’s maade our daays aall full of ‘aa’s,

And infected us with phages!”

 

The aardvark sighed” “I guess you’re right,”

We’re the bane of spelling bees.

Your name ends with a wacky “-actyl,”

 And starts with those ptooeys!

 

The pterodactyl, full of gloom,

Disconsolate and barren, said:

“No one can spell your name right

Unless his name is Aaron!”

 

“What if we shorten my name to “vark,”

And trim yours back to “dack”?

“That could work!” the dack replied,

And gave vark’s back a whack.

 

“The kids in all the spelling bees

Will gladsome be vociferous:

Hey, let’s go talk to the orangutan

And also the rhinociferos!”

 

Sept., 2014